Gobsmacked

This is really just ... well, astonishing.


New Zealand Woman Offers Dog-Food-Like Product to Kenya's Starving

Here's a quote from the story, which apparently tells how a dog biscuit manufacturer has offered tons of bickies to Kenya drought relief, and was refused. She made a version of the biscuits for human consumption.

"The first plan was to send dog biscuits and change the vitamins then when I heard there were so many little children I could not send them a bicky," The Press quoted her as saying.

So she created a powdered form of the ingredients -- freeze-dried beef, mutton, pork and chicken, deer velvet, green lip mussel, kelp, garlic, egg, whole grain cereals and cold-pressed flax seed flour -- to mix with water.

"The dogs thrive on it," Mighty Mix agent Gaynor Siviter told The Press. "They have energy, put on weight. It's bizarre but if it's edible and it works for these people then it's a brilliant idea. It beats eating rice."

The Kenyan officials said outraged things:
"Oh no, it is horrible, it is terrible," said Khadija Abdalla, head of the Garrisa Provincial Hospital in one of the worst-hit areas of northeast Kenya where at least 40 people have died since December of drought-related causes.

"It is insulting us because we are poor," she told AFP.

"We appreciate when people are willing to help us, but they should be sensitive about our culture,"government spokesman Alfred Mutua.

"Telling us that you are giving us food for dogs in our culture is an insult of the highest order," he told AFP. "Maybe, she was trying to help, but I hope this offer is a result of naivety."

Garlic Bread Spread by Wonder Boy

(Wonder Boy is a guest blogger tonight.)

This bread spread is really spicy and at the same time really tasty. Whoever reads this blog should try it.

Here's what you need.

2 cloves garlic
5 pinches of parmesan cheese
5-6 grinds of sea salt

First, put cloves in a pestle grinder. Second, you put in the sea salt and parmesan cheese. Third, you get some kind of grinder. Fourth, you pound and grind them all together. Once loose, they will start to come off when you grind. Fifth, get a piece of bread (it would go good on a sandwich). Then once the bread spread is on the bread, have a spicy yet tasty piece of bread (or sanwich).

That's it.

You'll love the stuff if you try it.

The Politics of Soup

This news story has my attention.
Pork Soup Political Football in France.

Now, I like pork. I am not a Muslim. I have wide tolerance for people. But let it be known that I have no interest in pig's feet. *squick* So while I can nod sagely at the French identity problem, I just can't go there on the pig's feet thing.

I know of no soup in my life, at present, that would be as controversial. There was the antelope chili I made last month which was politely and firmly refused by a bunch of tasters. They claimed that it was "too early" or "still full from breakfast" etc. Is this the same as outing/starving the Muslim homeless?

This is an area of further research and introspection. Because the bottom line is this: how terrible that something as warm and welcoming as a bowl of soup can become an instrument of political divisiveness.

Long Live Spinach!

Having just returned from a week away on business, on Monday morning, I finally dared to peer into the fridge, ready to separate the sheep from the goats, the wheat from chaff, the edible from the rotten.

All hail fresh spinach!

I don't know if it's a miracle of modern packaging, perfect conditions inside the box or the hardiness of Popeye's fave veggie, but the bag of fresh spinach is sound and ready to eat!

While I will probably toss it in a bowl, splash on some Sisters SASS and scarf it down, I do have some lovely serving suggestions.

Stir fry spinach at the last minute in your rice and tofu leftovers. Cumin, paprika and garlic powder make this a delish dish.

Steam spinach and splash on olive oil, balsamic vinegar and garlic. Toss. Eat. Woof.

Put fresh leaves in a pretty bowl, add rings of red bell pepper, feta cheese and chopped green onions for a festive potluck item that takes about 3 minutes to prep. Add a store-bought dressing OR leave it undressed. Often potlucks are loaded with heavy, oily/greasy flavors and the undressed greens usually get devoured by the light(er) eaters in the crowd.

Use spinach leaves in place of (wet, icky, damp, blech) lettuce in sammiches, tacos, burritos and wraps.

Add spinach to any soup at the last minute to kick up the nutrients and fiber.

I *heart* spinach.

Good Morning

Forget the kids. Forget the sports figures. This is my kind of cereal box.



(Go ahead and click on the link, and then check out the LARGE image. You know you want to.)

How do the chocolaty pearl shaped cereal and marshmallow bones taste? Who knows? Who cares!?

(The following is for AdSense... I want to see what they do with it. JOHNNY DEPP JOHNNY DEPP JOHNNY DEPP!!)

Cheers, Dears!

1. Here's to Holidailies 2005. It's done today. And again, many lessons learned, many good blogs discovered, many words tossed around that create worlds here on my desktop. Grateful thanks to Jette, Chip and the whole darn team.

2. Here's to the people in this world who get by on doing the bare minimum minus 15-30 percent, because they are just so f'ing special, you know? NOT.

3. Here's to the people in this world who rock my world through their courage, aplomb, grace and wit. I love you madly. I want to spa your feet. I want to have your children.

4. Here's to the people in this world whom I can trust. There are several of you and I adore you. Simply. Truly. Hyphens, vowel imbalances, literary allusions, cool iconography, clever aliases, hot hot blogging action and all.

5. And here's to Veuve Cliquot, which apparently you can re-cork and drink a week later.

At best, I would have those vaguely and maddeningly referred to in #3 and #4 over for a week-long pajama party and cuddle. Bring your Netflix, your Cadbury, your Godiva, and c'mon over. I'm ready to nuzzle up to the bosom of human kindness. I be needin' it.

Those who scoff, those who bore, those who are lukewarm, I shall delete you unread.

Those who bring more #5 I shall offer an air kiss and a shrimp cocktail.

Shrimp Cocktail
12 to 18 large shrimp, peeled and deveined
Water to boil
Crab boil (Zatarain's zee best)
2 oz. Veuve Cliquot champagne (okay, use an extra dry if you can't get Veuve)
Salt
Chili sauce
Horseradish sauce
Lemon
Capers
Wasabi mayo

Bring water to a boil with crab boil bag in. When boiling, toss in shrimp and gently oh so gently swirl around for 2-4 minutes, or until cooked - just when they stop being translucent. Remove immediately and baptize in an ice bath.

Pour the champagne in a shallow dish and marinate chilled/chilling shrimp in champagne for 10 minutes.

Mix chili sauce with horseradish for Sauce #1. Stir wasabi mayo and sprinkle with lemon juice and capers for sauce #2.

Arrange 6 gorgeous champagne soaked shrimp around one lovely stemmed glass and dollop in Sauces #1 and #2, half and half. Or just use one sauce per glass and share. Makes 2-3 shrimp cocktails.

*MWAH*

To Dig A Hole

Here's the rest of this story, the story of the mailbox.

I'm assuming the mailbox is still standing, though I haven't asked, and I'm a bit afraid to.

The reason for my avoidance is simple: I dug a crappy hole.

I am actually quite proud of my digging. I have a spade, a shovel, a pick, a fork and various other garden implements, and I know how to use them. I know you dig a $20 hole for a $10 tree, and have planted many trees. In Arizona.

But if there was a scorecard, it would be something like this:

the dirt on top of the cliff overlooking Bull Creek where my parents bought land in 1970 - 1
me - 0

The mailbox post I purchased seemed to be the easiest thing. It was lightweight, but properly installed in an 11-inch hole, and it would survive even Category/Brother force. If properly installed.

Proper installation would require an 11-inch hole. My dad owns all the garden tools mentioned above and beyond that. A garage full of great tools. No problem, I thought. I have a couple of hours before I have to pack the car and get on the road.

Ha, sniggered the dirt on top of the cliff overlooking Bull Creek....

I took the spade out there and made a first go. One shovel's full in a pile, good start. Then clink - a rock. Hmmm. How big? I dug around it, took it up with my hands, and resumed digging. For exactly six seconds = 1.5 shovel's full of dirt. Another rock. The dirt was hard too in places. I retrieved a spike from the garage - 36 inches tall. I drove it into the earth with the hammer. That broke up the dirt. Then, I kept working in the following fashion, more or less.

*Roots. No problem. I'll slice through them.

big roots. Hmm. Get the pruning saw, saw saw saw. Done. Resume digging.

Clink. Another rock. Encounter tubers from some forgotten and never-again-bloomed tuberous flowering plant. More tree roots as thick as your finger. More rocks of various shapes - mostly limestone, some river rocks from a decorative touch decades ago.*

Repeat between * * for 1.75 hours.

During this time, answer countless questions from Wonder Boy, and find a new home with leaves, dirt and water for "Grubby" the wee grub unearthed from a happy winter's slumber and adopted by the ever-compassionate Wonder Boy. Grubby is now snoozing (perhaps permanently) next to the TV in Grandpa's house.

In the end, I had a 9-inch hole dug that would mostly accomodate the mailbox post. And sore hands. And very sore shoulders. And the makings of a really nice blister in an odd place on the meaty part of my left hand. Which all began protesting at me somewhere around Ozona.

And like clockwork, just as I was finishing up, admitting defeat and plonking the rocks and dirt back into the mailbox post's bucket-like receptacle that gets buried, the burly neighbor sauntered over, fresh from his workout at the gym (do you all see the IRONY in this?!), to tell me that vandals have been at the mailboxes again.

Great. I was dealing with not only forces of nature, but forces of the young, bored and stupid. The whole job met with the disapproval of my father. The neighbor promised to provide four little nuts to assist the naked screws holding the whole thing together.

But I really am not holding out much hope. It was doomed from the beginning.

My money's better bet on Grubby.

Hook 'Em, Horns!

I am not clever enough to do a Google and re-design my entire blog in burnt orange and steers. So I'll just offer a simple

WE'RE NO. 1
GO TEXAS!
NATIONAL CHAMPS

Final score:
Texas 41, USC 38.

Eggstractor - As Seen On TV

I have been decluttering. I found this in the back of the lower left cupboard. Way WAY in the back.

I bought it at the home show and thought this will be good for an article someday. Sadly, no article was ever forthcoming about the Eggstractor, and now, just a lowly blog entry. Alas.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
~~ I present to you ~~

T H E ~ E G G S T R A C T O R



An amazing new product that will save you LOADS of time in the kitchen!


The packaging is cheerful and homey. Note the "as seen on TV" logo. As trustworthy as the Good Housekeeping Seal! (I wonder if soon there won't be a logo for "as seen on iPod"?)



Mmmm mmmm. Tasty egg dishes! Galore! Eggapalooza! (I'm surprised they didn't use that. It's a natural. Egg-a-palooza! Man, that's good writing.)


Oh, my side! will the puns never cease?! Har har! "Eggstructions!" Whoa! Hee hee! Ho ho!


But on a serious note, it is good to know that the cutting edge technology stops at the sink. No, when all is said and done, you can wash this machine in water. Wow. It's amazing.

However, I now remember why this item hasn't been decluttered. Two very important features were not represented on the box or in the "eggstruction" booklet. (Hee hee! ah, the puns! stop!) Highly entertaining features.

During the crucial moment of its operation, in the very act of peeling shell from egg, the amazing peeling machine "as seen on TV" FARTS like a hero. Cuts the cheese. Breaks a mighty wind. Time after time, egg after egg, the Eggs-Tractor peels your egg with a hearty RRRRBBBBPPPPTTTT!

Of course, at the Lizard Lodge test kitchens, we can't reproduce the pristine nanotechnology of the home show booth, nor could be get our eggs as icy cold, as extra large, or as fresh, as intended for optimum performance of the Eggstractor. When we used the amazing peeling machine, not only does the Egg-Stractor peel eggs with a regal show of flatulence, but it also divests the eggs of everything BUT a solid, perfect circle of cooked yolk. Time after time.

It's quite impressive really. There's no reason to get rid of something like this. Good times.

Winding Down

Holidailies is almost over, and I fell short of the 30 entries I wanted to compose. (Computer situation and my health in Austin were less than perfect for me this time.)

In the course of a month, I started out with a specific goal of writing once a day. I had some notes and some images from which I would riff, compose, expound and otherwise blog. It was my second go at Holidailies, and big changes were on their way in 2006.

In another blog, I wrote for much of November, daily, as well. I have established to myself that I can indeed write everyday, and even produce stuff that (to me) is worth coming back to for a more serious look. This blog is fun - it's my chit-chat while I'm in the kitchen cooking with guests looking on. And I am grateful and privileged to have the readers and the time.

It took me a long while to get into blogging because I long suspected that it would suck up all my writing energy for any given day, and also would put my stuff out there already published when I needed to be selling and polishing work up for sale. This may be true still, but I have found an interesting outlet in blogging and I shall certainly continue. But I do have to guard against getting sucked into the fun and fluffy writing. It's easy and fun, and has its place.

One of my projects for 2006 is an experiment, both in blogging (for me) and in living (for me, maybe others?). It's called Buy Nothing On Tuesday, which has already drawn some criticism for a) not doing enough, b) not meaning enough, c) being overly self-important. Whatever the perception so far, it has begun a process of internal changes that I think will have meaning, and perhaps will inform other writing I'll be doing. It will certainly inform this blog, as I'll be faced with Cupboard Challenge on Tuesdays - the beloved activity where the homemaker goes to the cupboard/freezer and wonders, "What's for supper tonight?" I may refer those readers over here for recipes, and vice versa.

Among other writing and development goals at work, I have two creative projects that I hope to get down on paper, and possibly into a form that I'll show to real live agents in 2006.

There. I said it. So now, I've got this entry to motivate or mock me later...

For the next three days, though, I hope to finish Holidailes with some funny pix I took on the road and a recipe or two, and a blogroll of my fave new blogs from Holidailies.

Diet, Diet, Diet!

There. I said the D-word. HA! Tis the season to see all the diet and weight loss ads. I'm still not going to do it. Diet, I mean. Oh, I'll eat better - more vege, more fiber, lower fat, blah blah blah. But I refuse to follow a plan that says I can't eat stuff.

As an American woman, I've done the diet thing to death. Really. Luckily, I've never had any yo-yo weight gain/loss. I know there are those who struggle with it, and go to great lengths to lose. I have cried bitter tears over Karen Carpenter's illness and death. I am compassionate, but I'm also a victim.

Yes, a victim. What else would you call someone who once ate Special K, skim milk, tuna salad (see recipe below), grapefruit halves and Diet Dr. Pepper exclusively for a week? (It was 8th grade.) I still know that an orange has 70 calories and a glass of OJ 140. I can calculate the fat to calorie percentage in my head ( >30% = okay to eat; >10% = pig out).

And did I mention the Weight Watchers tuna salad recipe from 1972? Hmmm? No, well, here it is. And so you'll understand why, perhaps, I turned to a life of savoring rather than slaving over food. (And also perhaps, why they invented fat free mayo.)

"Weight Watchers" Diet Tuna Salad (circa 1972)

1 7 oz. can of tuna, packed in water
1/3 c. yellow mustard
Chopped dill pickles (if you use sweet, you have to count the calories)
Minced onion
Chopped celery

Combine ingredients in a bowl. Eat with melba toast, or use 1/2 of your bread allowance for the day on two thin slices of whole wheat toast. (Ignore the Jack Nicholson voice in your head offering instructions as to what to do with the bread.)

---

Ok, now that we've all had a good laugh, enjoy this next recipe and feel free to improvise. Hey, don't even count the calories/points! But if you do, I know you will count this as delish.

Jay's Tuna Salad Niçoise
1 7 oz. can solid white tuna, packed in olive oil and drained
Wasabi mayo
Real mayo (not Miracle whip, please)
1 hard-boiled egg, chopped
1/4 c. capers
Minced white onion, or dehydrated onion flakes
1 clove garlic, or equivalent dried powder
White pepper
Lemon juice (just a squeeze)
1-2 T. sesame seeds

Combine ingredients in a bowl. Go easy on the mayo. Because of the olive oil (a "good" fat) and egg, you are mostly using the mayo for flavor and binding. Eat on toast, crackers; on a bed of finely shredded cabbage; in a lettuce wrap or tortilla; or from the bowl over the sink. Nummy.

Happy New Year - move your body more, eat gorgeous, tasty stuff, and enjoy your life. You'll look better, feel better, and everyone will like you more. Or if they don't, you'll feel so good you just won't care!

A Tale of Two Salad Dressings

When I moved back to Austin in the 80s to finish college, I worked nearly full-time in restaurants. I worked in the crappy restaurants and, as is the wont of waitrons, went out to nice ones after shift.

One of my favorite restaurants was Martin Bros. Cafe on the Drag. It was almost far enough up Guadalupe St. to not be the Drag anymore. They had fresh, natural items, mostly vegetarian, which were a great palate cleanser after the grease of the Mexican and taverny dives I worked in.

One of the best salad dressings - no, the only one I ever ate there was the creamy miso. Ta die for. On fresh greens. But then I used to order it on the side with an omelette. I would drizzle it all over everything.

One day, I went to another restaurant (I think it was Mother's on Duval). They didn't have creamy miso, so I tried something new. Sesame-Garlic. By a company called Sisters. I had just discovered hummus (it was the 80s, folks - time of great discoveries for this Texas), and loved sesame and garlic, so it was a natch.

One taste, and I was hooked. For home use, I would buy them at Wheatsville.

Fast forward to Tucson, where I couldn't get these fresh dressings. Made in Austin, bottled and shipped to the stores locally, these dressings (and the companies had other flavors) required refrigeration. Small companies with no mass distribution outside the area, much less the state.

This used to be true of Shiner Bock, but then it became available here. And then I realized I'm allergic to beer altogether. *sob* On this last trip to Austin by car, I reverted to my Shiner Bock days, and iced down three bottles each of creamy miso and sesame-garlic. Along with about 15 lbs of sausages. Gotta have salad to cleanse the palate after all that greasy sausage, right? This is one item that I cannot find a good replacement for at Trader Joe's.

Now, as I read on the website, Sisters and Martin Bros. have joined as Sisters and Brothers, Inc. and make both dressings. Brilliant! If only they distributed in Arizona! Hey, Shiner Bock and Blue Bell Ice Cream is here - why not the salad dressing?!

But if they did that, something basic about the taste would change, would be lost. And something unique about Austin would become just something else I can get here.

What Is Left Behind

I just watched the end of the year reel on Sunday Morning on CBS. I used to watch that show religiously - it was my church in a way. But then Charles Kuralt died and I just couldn't stand the guy in the bow tie.

But there I was, watching the essay on people who have passed on in 2005. Anne Bancroft, Rosa Parks, Luther Vandross... Shirley Chisholm, Bobby Short, Johnny Carson, Eddie Albert. A lot of people I admired and loved. This show also tries to find the little people too, who left a mark on the world. The stewardess who negotiated with terrorists to get hostages released on a hijacked flight to Beirut. An architect, Tony the Tiger's voice, the guy who invented the TV dinner, a forgotten basketball star.

I am struck by the simple gifts these people offered to the world, what they left behind. I wonder if they would claim the same list, or would they point us to the child they raised who did so well in math, who got first chair in band, who is a doctor now. Would they recite their grandchildren's names as their major life accomplishments, or point to a law, a song, a pristine stretch of forest and say, "That little something over there? I did that."

What will I leave behind? What will I count as an accomplishment?

For 2005, what I've left behind is bitterness and strife, my habit of letting anyone treat me like crap, the cloud that has always kept me from joy. I'm leaving them all behind in that old year that is now stuffed like a sack with all the old things. I'm taking it to the curb, along with all those other old year sacks' full of stuff that I have clung to – out to the curb, straight back to the ionsphere.

That kind of leaving behind is not something to put in a list on a Sunday morning TV show, but it's going to open up the road ahead for my very own special something that someone might notice someday and say, "Wow, thanks for doing that. Thanks for that particular little legacy."

And of course, as the previous entry testifies, I am blessed with raising a child who has wit, joy and compassion. I already know that he will be my finest legacy.

Wonder Boy Speaks!

A word from Wonder Boy:
In the future, I hope that Mom will learn chess and this really fun game, Holochexs. This year, I will not make my mom go crazy and I will not make pudding out of laundry detergent. I hope the year will be better for all. And to all a good year.

Isn't he wonderful?!

I'm trying to keep him away from the hip hop/rap on Regis' New Year celebration... they are blipping out entire lines from the "songs."

And now I have to play Holochex. Which I thought was something to nibble on.

Our nibbles tonight:
English shortbread
Veuve Cliquot
Pesto on farfalle
Cherry cider
Salt and vinegar potato chips

And I did learn to play chess tonight. Yay, me!

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!